A Wild Flower

Welp. I’m here to say it’s been a tough autumn! I got sick with a terrible cough about 3 weeks before my birthday, and then got a terrible case of vertigo for the first time ever about 1 week after my birthday. All and all I’d say October and November have been all the buzz.

It was hard to keep a positive attitude when I was out of service for what felt like forever! I haven’t got back into my workout routine but I am longing for it. I am also seeking ways to meditate.

I watched Eat Pray Love, the movie, for the first time and it inspired me in my journey. I mean come on, that movie is all about finding yourself and setting out on a journey to do so. I still don’t know what my purpose is but I am setting out to find it. And so, I venture on into the unknown. Can you tell I just watched Frozen II?

In all seriousness, I am trying to figure out where my place is in this giant universe. What is my purpose and where do I end up. Sometimes it’s hard for me to conform to my everyday life. I love being a mother and girlfriend. But I’d be lying if I said that’s what drives me everyday and gives me passion. It doesn’t. I strive to give my daughter the best life and I work hard to do so. But is that all there is to this life? I refuse to answer that question with a yes. I will not.

You see, what makes me, me, is the fact that I don’t conform. I’m tired. I’m tired of trying to be someone I’m simply not. Here I am living the day to day, but that’s just not me. I want adventure. I crave wanderlust. Maybe this sounds silly, but as I’ve matured one thing always stays true. That is that I’ve never been happy with settling. My immature 18 year old self shouted that all the time. But now looking back, 11 years ago, I was actually on to something. It’s funny but we don’t actually think to listen to ourselves in the past. We often overlook things as immaturities or not having found wisdom yet. Now I’m only 29, so don’t get me wrong, I don’t have much wisdom. But I can say I am starting to collect it.

When I listen to my 18 year old self I see a young lady who is just starting off in the world and trying to figure herself out. And I got SO many things wrong, and then when I thought I was doing things right, I still got them wrong. But you know what, I never settled.

I am currently praying and meditating in hopes of making some important, personal decisions in my life. While I can’t say what those decisions are, I will say I just want to know what to do. And I want to do it right.

I am finding my balances. How to balance being a mother, working full time, love, and all the things in between. I don’t know where I see myself in 5 or 10 years, but I know I can’t be where I’m at anymore. I’m working on a better me. More balance and not settling.

Being a mother will always be me but it will never be what makes me. My passion will make me. Writing has always been my passion and I hope that in doing so I reach someone with a similar outlook on life. A yearn for more, a craving for adventure.

I’m just a wild flower with a lust for life..

Xo Jovi

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